Joke Of The Day
A man goes to confession and says, “Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins, and the man replies that he used the “F-word” over the weekend.
The priest says, “Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.”
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the “F-word.”
The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
“Well father, I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church,” the man admitted.
The priest says, “And you got upset over that and swore?”
The man replied, “No, that wasn’t why I swore. On the first tee, I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees.”
The priest said, “And that’s when you swore?”
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, “No, it wasn’t. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree.”
The priest asked, “Is that when you said the ‘F-word’?”
The man replied, “No, because an eagle then flew by, caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away.”
The priest let out a breath and queried, “Is that when you swore?”
The man replied, “No, because when the eagle flew over the green, the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within five inches of the hole.”
The priest screamed, “Don’t tell me you missed the f…ing putt!”
Every Excuse In The Book
“If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.” – Bob Hope