Shots Fired Following Confrontation At Men’s League

Club Pro Guy

Club Pro Guy

SwingU Master Faculty

There was obviously a scary situation at the club today, and as such, I have prepared a written statement and will not be answering any further questions.

When I arrived on the grounds this morning at approximately 7:15 a.m. through the maintenance entrance, I observed Thursday night points leader Betty Simmons practice putting on the ninth green, presumably due to the mole infestation that has caused our practice putting green to be closed.

Knowing this was a violation of Rule 7-1b, which states you cannot practice on the course the day of a tournament, I conversed with head marshall Darrel Bevins where we discussed, debated and developed an action plan.

The plan was put to the test when Mr. Bevins approached Ms. Simmons on the practice driving range a few hours later. In talking with Ms. Simmons, Mr. Bevins was also approached by Janice Shaeffer and Adell Martin making what was a routine situation into a potentially dangerous one. 

Mr. Bevins instinctively pulled his sidearm and initiated a textbook “stand your ground” maneuver before firing two warning shots into the air. The police were called and Mr. Bevins was arrested and is facing a litany of charges. 

Furthermore, Ms. Simmons’ attorney called our general manager to inform them that Ms. Simmons was forfeiting the remaining five weeks of her Groupon membership. As a result of the resignation, Ms. Simmons voluntarily forfeited her spot atop the Thursday night league rankings moving myself from eighth to seventh overall.  

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