Ask Ali: How To Show Support After A Major Disappointment

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Last week we all know Sergio Garcia lost to Tiger Woods in The Players Championship. Not only did he lose but he also hit three balls into the water for a quadruple-bogey, double-bogey finish. To top it all off, this cost him an estimated $800k. Bad day at the office! All I kept thinking afterwards was, “What do you say to him if you are his significant other?” Talk about an awkward ride home.

Obviously everyone is different. Some would want to blow off some steam by themselves; others might want to commiserate over a bottle of their favorite and probably strongest alcoholic beverage preference. Or maybe they want to have what quarterbacks refer to as “football amnesia” after they throw a pick-six — move on and erase it from memory.

In any disappointing situation – be it a major golf defeat, botched job interview, mortifying gaffe, etc. – it’s always difficult to know what to say to the person. “So maybe just say nothing at all,” you might be thinking. Yes, sometimes silence is golden, but you also want that person to know you ultimately care.

I would advise letting this person know (preferably face-to-face if possible) that you are sorry and are there for them if they need/want to vent. But don’t push the issue too much; if they want to share, let them be the one to initiate it. Do be sure to give ’em a hug, but don’t offer a “pitty pat” on the back — that only adds insult to injury.

If you aren’t physically there to give them a big bear hug of support, a simple text or phone call will have to do. Keep it brief and not too over dramatic. After all, they are the one who has to deal with the repercussions of their f*** up. Whatever you do, don’t say, “I can’t believe it! This is awful! How could this happen?!?” Say a few words of sympathy, pause for response and then just let it be. And remember: Let them come to you if they need a shoulder to cry on.

Ask Ali

#AskAliB9N: A Swedish girl I met traveling suggests I move there after knowing her for about two weeks. Crazy? Or crazier to not go and regret it?

That’s moving pretty fast…unless you were planning on moving there anyhow, I’d hold off for a little bit. Perhaps just visit first. She sounds fun and very spontaneous but maybe you’re better off waiting to make sure you like it there first (and her as well). I’m all for change and taking chances, especially on love, but this seems very risky. Moving internationally is a pretty big commitment, so I advise not to box up everything just yet.

Ask all of your dating/love/relationship questions to me @AlyWaite #AskAliB9N or DM @AskAliB9N.

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