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25 Golf Truisms That Are 100% Accurate

  1. A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.
  2. Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.
  3. There is no such thing as a friendly wager.
  4. The stages of golf are Sudden Collapse, Radical Change, Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse.
  5. The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole.
  6. Don’t play with anyone who would question a 7.
  7. It’s as easy to lower your handicap as it is to reduce your hat size.
  8. If you really want to be better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
  9. If your driver is hot, your putter will be ice cold.
  10. If you can hit your irons, you will top your woods.
  11. If you are keeping your right elbow tucked in, your head will come up.
  12. Progress in golf consists of two steps forward and ten miles backward.
  13. One good shank deserves another.
  14. It takes 17 holes to really get warmed up.
  15. No golfer ever swung too slowly.
  16. No golfer ever played too fast.
  17. One birdie is a hot streak.
  18. No matter how badly you are playing, it’s always possible to play worse.
  19. Whatever you think you’re doing wrong is the one thing you’re doing right.
  20. Any change works for three holes.
  21. The odds of hitting a duffed shot increase by the square of the number of people watching.
  22. Never play your son for money.
  23. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
  24. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
  25. It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.

Have a good (and relatively clean) golf joke that you’d like to see featured? Email it to chris@swingu.com!

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