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25 More Golf Truisms That Are 100% Accurate

  1. The statute of limitations on forgotten strokes is two holes.
  2. Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.
  3. Confidence evaporates in the presence of fairway water.
  4. It takes considerable pressure to make a penalty stroke adhere to a scorecard.
  5. It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
  6. The more your opponent quotes the rules, the greater the certainty that he cheats.
  7. Always limp with the same leg for the whole round.
  8. The rake is always in the other trap.
  9. The wind is in your face on 16 of the 18 holes.
  10. Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dogleg to the right.
  11. The rough will be mowed tomorrow.
  12. The ball always lands where the pin was yesterday.
  13. It always takes at least five holes to notice that a club is missing.
  14. The nearest sprinkler head will be blank.
  15. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
  16. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.
  17. Out of bounds is always on the right, for right-handed golfers.
  18. The practice green is either half as fast or twice as fast as all the other greens.
  19. No one with funny head covers ever broke par (except for Tiger Woods).
  20. The lowest numbered iron in your bag will always be impossible to hit.
  21. Your straightest iron shot of the day will be exactly one club short.
  22. No matter how far its shaft extends, a ball retriever is always a foot too short to reach the ball.
  23. If you seem to be hitting your shots straight on the driving range, it’s probably because you’re not aiming at anything.
  24. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
  25. The only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can’t learn anything from golf books, but you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it.

Have a good (and relatively clean) golf joke that you’d like to see featured? Email it to chris@swingu.com!

Can Never Be Too Careful


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