6 Random Questions with Andres Gonzales

Andres Gonzales is playing in the HP Byron Nelson Championship on a sponsor’s invite. He has full status on the Nationwide Tour, including winning the Soboba Classic in April, and currently, he’s second on the money list and already nearly a lock to return to the PGA Tour, where he was a rookie in 2011. He didn’t retain his status, but he’ll be back next year, and we can’t wait. He’s probably at least in the top five coolest guys on Tour. He’s also known for his tweets at Tiger Woods, who still has yet to reply to Andres’ tweets, asking him to “peg it!”

Where was your first kiss?

The beach at my house in Olympia, Washington, in the fourth grade with a girl named Alicia Zittel. With my wife Kristin, we were 15 and we kissed in my garage in the dark while we were playing hide-and-go-seek. That’s funny that was the first question you asked because Kristin and I are doing this newlywed game (on Tuesday) for the Byron Nelson Championship pro-party. We’re competing against four other players and their spouses. Should be a good time.

What’s the last thing you splurged on?

Probably a car. I got a Toyota Highlander for my wife.

Do you have any hidden talents?

I’m a dog whisperer. Dogs know what I’m saying and I teach dogs to understand English — they’re not the best at speaking it, but they’re fluent in the language. I’ve taught my dog Theodore, who is a great dane, the basic tricks — rollover, sit, lay down, etc. — and he can get me the newspaper. He can also pour me a cup of coffee on Sunday mornings. Maybe.

I’m also a phenomenal singer. You know the harp? I’m thoroughly proficient at the harp. I can throw a tennis racquet at a small animal with great accuracy, namely possums and rats, but possums are easier because they’re giant rats. But other than that, I can’t think of anything else.

If you were stuck on an island with another PGA Tour pro, who would you want it to be? Why?

Bill Lunde because his laugh is infectious and he likes to drink wine — as do I.

Which PGA Tour pro would make the best President?

Can I vote for me? Wait, no, I’m not on the PGA Tour. I’d probably say Vaughn Taylor because he’s a phenomenal listener. He knows how to take peoples feelings and needs into account. He’s from Augusta, Georgia, so he’s probably around a lot of big wigs at Augusta National, so he understand what it takes to lead. He has blonde hair, which would make him one of the only presidents to go into the White House that isn’t gray.

Do you think players should get penalty strokes for slow play?

I don’t know how to fix pace of play besides stroking people. It should take less than five hours for three tour professionals to play 18 holes. Or just have everyone timed on every shot. There are just some shots that take longer than others. They stroke at every other level — junior golf, college, amateur.

I don’t understand slow players. I want to ask them, what are you thinking about for so long? Just look at the flag and fire. Is there that much you need to know? You have 150 yards to the front edge, 155 to the pin, 163 to the back edge, so you can’t hit it further than 163, and you have to hit it more than 150. There’s also a little wind into us, so I’ve gotta hit it about 158. Done.

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