What do you get for the man who has it all? Two major championships, five wins on the PGA Tour, a giant RV to trot the globe in and the loudest wardrobe in sports are all fine and dandy, but these 9 gift ideas are just what (we assume) John Daly is looking for this year for his birthday, which is Monday:
9. Pallet of Diet Coke – While he claims to be “cutting back” on the soda, reports still have Daly consuming between 10-12 cans of Diet Coke a day. Incredibly, that’s down from what he estimates was 20-28 cans. On a high end, that’s still 144 oz., of soda a day. If you really want to make him happy, I suggest a couple pallets of the stuff. At 24 cans per case and 12 cans consumed per day, you’d need to pick up 182 cases and one 12-pack of Diet Coke to satisfy Daly for a year.
8. Pallet of Cigarettes – I’m not sure what he smokes, but Daly could also use a pallet of cigarettes to go with that pallet of Diet Coke. In the same article where he claimed to drink a dozen cans of soda a day, he also said he smokes close to 40 cigarettes, or two packs a day. Daly’s habit is deeper than a carton a week, meaning if you really wanted to take care of the man, you’d have to buy close to 70 cartons of cigarettes to last a year.
7. Truck nuts/Good Sam Road Service – Since Daly has a huge fear of flying, he travels from tourney to tourney via his massive luxury RV. Two things are true about RVs/all vehicles: They’re fun to accessorize and they break down. Think about the fortune that smiled upon Daly in 1991 when he was the only alternate who could make it to Crooked Stick in time for the PGA Championship? With good luck like that, Daly surely knows the importance 0f being able to make it to tournaments and he knows the importance of keeping the RV in good order. If anything happens on the way there, a Good Sam membership would come in handy and is a great gift idea for a guy on the go as much as Daly. And if you want to spice up the aesthetic and send a message from the outside, how about a pair of “truck nuts?” Nothing says “I’m in charge” like a pair of truck nuts, except maybe a pair of them hanging off a million-dollar RV.
Related Link: 9 Best ‘That’s So John Daly’ Moments
6. LegalZoom.com account – While this gift may suggest something negative, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. This gift is meant to protect “Long John.” With this, Daly could figure out the ins, outs and what-have-yous of the legal ramifications/precautions that must be taken before he tees it up from another person’s mouth. When you have a propensity for doing things like this, you have to understand that if anything goes wrong, people will try to take action. With a Legal Zoom account, Daly can be sure he’s in the clear next time he does this:
5. Diet Coke On Tap In His RV – Remember that scene in the film “Mr. Deeds,” when Deeds is exploring the mansion for the first time and comes across the water fountain of Hawaiian Punch? Well, I think the best thing for John Daly is one of those in his RV that pumps Diet Coke. Every soda lover wishes they had a tap or a lifetime supply of their favorite brand flowing at their fingertips and I’m sure Daly is no different. Imagine the convenience factor of being able to walk up to a bubbler, press the button and fill your chalice? Mmm… perfect.
4. Dallas Cowboys Tickets In Jerry Jones’ Suite – Daly has made it known that he’s a rabid sports fan who loves the St. Louis Cardinals, Boston Celtics, Arkansas Razorbacks and mostly, the Dallas Cowboys. This has to be a dream come true for Daly, right? I mean, taking in a game with the owner of your favorite sports franchise has to be the thrill of a lifetime, even for a two-time major champion. He’s been a guest of Jones before and I’m sure he’d love to be again.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall of that suite. You have to image that John Daly and Jerry Jones philosophizing together would be some of the most interesting audio you’ll ever hear.
3. Arkansas Razorbacks National Championship – This one you can’t actually buy in a store but if Brett Bielema and company are listening, I’m sure John Daly would be pretty stoked if you could give him an NCAA football national championship to celebrate. Daly is a huge football fan and was on the golf team at Arkansas. He’s one of the school’s most vocal supporters and has frequently been seen at games. Everyone deserves to see their team celebrate the big one at least once and I’m sure this one would mean a lot to Daly.
2. Ryder Cup Captain’s Pick/Vice Captain – As a five-time winner on the PGA Tour and a two-time major champion, there isn’t much Daly hasn’t accomplished between the ropes. One thing, however, that he hasn’t experienced is the Ryder Cup. In fact, Daly is the only eligible, two-time major champion to never play on a Ryder Cup team. It seems this experience would be the cherry on top for Daly, who has expressed regret that he has yet to be a part of the bi-annual event. Tom Watson, I’m looking at you!
1. A Yacht – Sure, those who have seen Daly’s RV in person will tell you he’s already got a land yacht, but he could also use one in which to sail the high seas. Daly hates flying. I mean, hates it. But each year he gets invited to play in the Sony Open in Hawaii and has the opportunity to play in the Open Championship as a past champion. Think about how well he might do in these events if he showed up calm, cool and collected instead of high strung (just assuming, going on my personal ‘bad flyer’ experiences) from braving a 13-hour flight? He’d probably have 10 wins by now.
Even if Daly doesn’t receive any of these gifts, we still wish the best for him on his 48th birthday.
Photo Gallery: The Best of John Daly’s Pants
Related Link: Year In Twitter Pics – John Daly
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