I’ve been playing golf for over 20 years and am quite comfortable with the fact that I stink. And to be honest, I’m quite comfortable in the fact that most people I’m paired-up with also stink. I’ve always said: “You don’t have to be good at golf to love it or play it.” However, golf etiquette is another story completely and quite necessary on the golf course.
Anybody who was taught to play this game the right way knows what I’m talking about – those unspoken rules of golf that show respect to your fellow players. You know; don’t step in someone’s line; don’t put your bag on the green; don’t talk while someone is swinging; etc.
The aforementioned rules are classic and well-known. But there are other, less obvious etiquette laws that golfers ignore all the time. Below are 10 discourteous acts that many uncultivated types employ on a regular basis:
10) Hitting on the Cart Girl
This has got to be the worst come-on ever. It’s right up there with hitting on the waitress. Look, everybody knows the MOFOBETE will probably be hot – that’s why she got the job in the first place. But we men inevitably regress into gawking Cro-Magnon’s and can’t help but treat these girls like they’re dancing on a pole instead of serving us a beer.
9) Throwing your Clubs
I actually polled people about this in a post I wrote last year. Sure, it might be funny for the first time or two someone follows-up a wretched shot with a toss of the old club. But if that same person is constantly flinging the war sticks across the fairway, it can get annoying fast. You’ve heard the saying “there’s no crying in baseball?” Well, there should be no temper-tantrums in golf.
8) Talking on your Cell Phone
There’s actually an entire site dedicated to cell phone behavior. In golf, unless you’re waiting at the turn, there’s no reason to be chatting-away while walking up the fairway. And I guarantee the conversation won’t end just because it’s someone’s turn to hit – nope…you’ll just talk softer (but not soft enough) and inevitably will end the call by saying “OK, Bye” really loudly. How about keeping the phone in your bag and on mute during the round?
7) Texting During Someone’s Swing
I know you think you’re being discreet by texting instead of talking, but I can still see your stupid fingers going a mile a minute in my peripheral vision. Isn’t golf hard enough without multitasking? There’s no reason to: Tweet about every shot; upload course pics to your Facebook page; or checkin at the 5th hole on Foursquare. Please note the last sentence of #8.
6) Swearing Profusely…at Yourself
It’s totally cool if you want to call yourself an “asshole” after a poor shot. I get it – you’re frustrated and you needed to express yourself – completely understandable. But don’t go running away with it. There’s absolutely no reason to carry on verbally abusing yourself over a slice you’ve had since the 10th grade. I mean, where is your self respect? Really, it’s embarrassing – for both you and your foursome.
5) Playing from the Wrong Tee Box
You know that pit in your stomach you get while waiting on the first hole and watching the hackers ahead of you flub all their drives? Well, I can live with that feeling…unless they are teeing-off from the back tees. There is no greater frustration than this – getting behind a bunch of clowns teeing off from the tips when it’s obvious they should be playing from the forward tees. I’ve actually dedicated an entire post to this last year and it’s perhaps one of my biggest golf-peeves. If you learn anything from this list, learn which tee-box you belong on.
4) Excessive Use of Your GPS
Some people question if high-handicappers should own a GPS in the first place, but I’m not one of them – Even golfers who are trying to break 100 are going to benefit from knowing the exact yardage to the pin. But there comes a time when enough is enough. If you’re truly unsure what your distance is on your approach, by all means break-out the GPS. But using it just for the fun of it on every shot is no fun for the rest of your group (or the group behind you for that matter).
3) Driving the Cart Like a Drunken Idiot
A good number of golfers feel like a golf cart is their own personal ATV…and most of the time alcohol is the reason for their reckless abandon. Perhaps this is why around 1,000 Americans a month are injured in golf cart accidents. Something rather juvenile overcomes people when they get behind that Plexiglas windshield. But remember – they’re there as caddies, not as bumper cars.
2) Giving Swing Advice When No One Asks for It
Who are these people and where do they come from? Every time I mention this to a fellow golfer, they agree with me: “Oh I hate that too!” But some of them must be hypocrites, because there are way too many people out on the course giving swing advice who are not qualified to do so. If you’re an impromptu advice giver and are not a PGA-certified pro, please take this subtle hint: YOU’RE NOT FREAKING HELPING – YOU’RE JUST BEING AN ANNOYING PRICK!
1) Talking about How Great you Usually Play
We all know this person: “Boy, I can’t believe I just got another triple-bogey…Normally I break 80 at this course.” I wanna scream at the top of my lungs; “What are you, an idiot?! We both know that’s absolute bollocks!” You shouldn’t even be allowed on the golf course if you’re this guy. Seriously, I should be able to call in your ridiculousness along with my order on the 9th-tee. Then when we make the turn, a couple of rangers escort you to the parking lot, confiscate your clubs and send you home with a certified “never play golf again” card.
Well, now that that’s off my chest, it’s time for me to get out my cell phone, have a few beers, jump in a golf cart and dive like a maniac down the par 5, 11th while shouting-out swing advice to anyone within ear-shot. Happy golfing.
Penning articles that don’t necessarily focus on the PGA Tour, GolfStinks churns out content only a true weekend hack could appreciate – from funny golf stories; to product and book reviews; to hilarious (and sometimes serious) golf observations; the GolfStinks blog will keep you entertained throughout the week! Golfstinks.com: Taking the frustration out of golf since 2009!